Introducing me, planning to TTC

OK, now for the real back story:

I'm a hyper organized person, so I thought I could approach TTC with the same gusto I approach most projects in my life: make a careful plan, reap the fruits of my hard work. Everything in life has been ths way for me. I worked hard as a child, got excellent grades that got me into excellent schools, where I got more excellent grades and internships that resulted in an excellent job. I work hard and excel in my job, make decent money, found an outstanding man who became my husband, and together we bought a beautiful house and have raised two adorable dogs. I have so much going for me in my life, and I am a great example of how those who work hard can achieve success.

Sound familiar? Chances are, if you're reading my blog, you are also probably a person who has controlled much of your destiny up until this point.

So, in August 2009, 11 months before my husband and I were planning to start TTC, I used my annual OB appointment as an opportunity to drill my doctor on everything I should know/should be doing before we started to TTC. I'd already read What to Expect When You're Excepting back in 2008, so I came armed with questions. She told me that because I'm young (I'm now 29 with a 30-year-old husband) with a history of perfect health, I would get pregnant immediately after I went off birth control. This is, of course, in retrospect now in the Hall of Fame of Worst Advice I've Ever Received. She added that I should finish my last pack of birth control pills, and then I could start TTC immediately -- she did not recommend any wait time as some other doctors recommend because, in her words, I would be most fertile right after ditching the BC pills.

Oh, and she said I should cut down on alcohol, caffeine and mercury-laden fish, which is simply her generic advice she gives all women. I do not consume a ton of any of those items, so I didn't need to make much in the way of a lifestyle adjustment. And, in keeping with her generic advice, she also told me to start taking a prenatal vitamin three months before I started TTC.

During that August 2009 appointment she did decide to have me run down to the lab to have my blood drawn to test for Cystic fibrosis, and the test revealed I'm not a carrier, so the odds of my husband and I having a child with this disorder are exceptionally low.

After the appointment I planned our big summer trip around my periods and the date that I wanted to ditch my birth control. My husband and I picked the date we wanted to start TTC around the date that I wanted to give birth, figuring (so shockingly naively) that I would get pregnant on the first try because that's what the doctor told me would happen.

I marked my calendar religiously: start taking prenatal vitamin on April 1; finish BC pills on July 15. Then, of course, have a baby born in March or April. I started imagining the conversations I'd have with coworkers when I'd announce in October that I'd be giving birth in March, the time of year that my job becomes most insane. Frankly, I couldn't wait to abandon my work and take care of a newborn.

As you can imagine, October (and November and December and now January) came and went with lots of big fat negatives on the pregnancy tests, and lots of other annoying surprises about my body to boot.

I've named this site Resigning Control because that's been the biggest lesson I've had to learn in the six months so far my husband and I have been TTC. Up until this point, I have controlled everything in my life and gotten everything I've ever wanted. Clearly the process of having a baby is something I cannot control, no matter how much I would like to.