Last month I said that if I could get a positive OPK on CD35 that would be amazing. Well folks, it actually happened. I am taking a break from my normal morning routine to report this positive progress. Maybe exercise, vitamins, diet and a (slightly more) positive attitude is helping.
I AM SO EXCITED. THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME IN A LONG TIME!
In other news, I started taking a bunch of herbal supplements last weekend. And that will be the subject of a future post.
Showing posts with label tests. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tests. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Diagnosis
Today my doctor told me what I was about 90 percent sure I'd hear: I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome).
For a while now I've feared this is what I have and what's keeping me from getting pregnant. With anywhere from 5-10 percent of women of child-bearing age being diagnosed with this condition, it is the leading cause of female infertility. If you read message boards on sites like The Bump or Baby Center you quickly discover all these women talking about their PCOS diagnosis and how many rounds of Clomid their doctor has prescribed.
The thing that tipped me off to the fact that I probably have PCOS is the fact that I have such horribly irregular periods. Even though my periods were fairly regular before going on birth control, there is no known link between PCOS and the pill or any other type of birth control. PCOS can develop at any time for inexplicable reasons, and there's nothing you can do to prevent it. Irregular periods are a tell-tale sign of PCOS. Another sign of PCOS is elevated testosterone levels. Well, guess what: I have really high testosterone levels. This is not the kind of thing you want to find out about yourself at 5 a.m. It makes you feel, well, ugly and unfeminine. So, add high testosterone to infertility and you feel rather man-ish. (Also, women with high testosterone and PCOS tend to have trouble with adult acne -- which is true for me -- and tend to be confident, Type A characters -- which is painfully true for me.)
As I was going through almost all the stages of grief during my 15-minute phone conversation with my doctor and I was in my denial/bargaining stage, I asked her if my elevated testosterone levels could still be a sign of the birth control hormones exiting my body. She said that I am officially past the point of being affected by my birth control pills (which also contradicts the point about birth control maybe taking one year to exit my body). So, as much as I would now like to say that my body is still adjusting to being off birth control, it really does seem that I have PCOS.
There is no way to cure or even really treatment for PCOS. My doctor told me that her goal for me is to get a period once every three months, and if I don't get that, then I could face even more serious health issues. I have two main choices at this moment: I can do nothing and continue on with my irregular but not medically concerning long cycles, or I can start taking a medication called Clomid.
Clomid is a drug that increases ovulation. You take it five days in a row at a certain time in your cycle to stimulate ovulation. My doctor told me that I could try it for three cycles, and if the medicine didn't help me get pregnant in three cycles, then she would have me visit a reproductive endocrinologist. After that she mentioned scary acronyms like IUI and IVF which just made me break down and cry while talking to her. But, my doctor added that the chances of conceiving on Clomid are quite good -- and I've read reports that say anywhere from 50 to 75 percent of women with PCOS achieve pregnancy on Clomid -- but maybe she just wanted me to stop crying.
As with any other drug, though, Clomid does not come without costs. Besides the monetary costs, which wouldn't be that substantial (yet), there is a 5 percent increased chance of having multiples conceived while on Clomid. Additionally, because women on Clomid often do what my doctor referred to as "super ovulate" it can actually increase your risk of developing uterine cancer. It also sounds like -- through some anecdotal accounts I've read on message boards -- that many women who are on Clomid also face extreme mood swings and hot flashes, though obviously everyone reacts differently.
At this moment, I am just trying to process this information. I don't know if I want to take Clomid quite yet. My doctor told me that I can still get pregnant without Clomid, but with PCOS the chances of conceiving on your own are really, really low. For people with normal fertility, the chances of conceiving on any given cycle are only 20 percent, so when you ovulate as irregularly as I do, that just means I get about as third as many chances to conceive as the average woman. I also want to research insulin resistance, because that is a side effect of PCOS and some doctors prescribe drugs to decrease insulin resistance which can also assist in restoring ovulation.
Obviously, I need to sleep on this information (for probably more than just a night) and figure out what's right for me. My husband is totally supportive of whatever I decide; he's truly a great man, and I'm so fortunate to have him.
For a while now I've feared this is what I have and what's keeping me from getting pregnant. With anywhere from 5-10 percent of women of child-bearing age being diagnosed with this condition, it is the leading cause of female infertility. If you read message boards on sites like The Bump or Baby Center you quickly discover all these women talking about their PCOS diagnosis and how many rounds of Clomid their doctor has prescribed.
The thing that tipped me off to the fact that I probably have PCOS is the fact that I have such horribly irregular periods. Even though my periods were fairly regular before going on birth control, there is no known link between PCOS and the pill or any other type of birth control. PCOS can develop at any time for inexplicable reasons, and there's nothing you can do to prevent it. Irregular periods are a tell-tale sign of PCOS. Another sign of PCOS is elevated testosterone levels. Well, guess what: I have really high testosterone levels. This is not the kind of thing you want to find out about yourself at 5 a.m. It makes you feel, well, ugly and unfeminine. So, add high testosterone to infertility and you feel rather man-ish. (Also, women with high testosterone and PCOS tend to have trouble with adult acne -- which is true for me -- and tend to be confident, Type A characters -- which is painfully true for me.)
As I was going through almost all the stages of grief during my 15-minute phone conversation with my doctor and I was in my denial/bargaining stage, I asked her if my elevated testosterone levels could still be a sign of the birth control hormones exiting my body. She said that I am officially past the point of being affected by my birth control pills (which also contradicts the point about birth control maybe taking one year to exit my body). So, as much as I would now like to say that my body is still adjusting to being off birth control, it really does seem that I have PCOS.
There is no way to cure or even really treatment for PCOS. My doctor told me that her goal for me is to get a period once every three months, and if I don't get that, then I could face even more serious health issues. I have two main choices at this moment: I can do nothing and continue on with my irregular but not medically concerning long cycles, or I can start taking a medication called Clomid.
Clomid is a drug that increases ovulation. You take it five days in a row at a certain time in your cycle to stimulate ovulation. My doctor told me that I could try it for three cycles, and if the medicine didn't help me get pregnant in three cycles, then she would have me visit a reproductive endocrinologist. After that she mentioned scary acronyms like IUI and IVF which just made me break down and cry while talking to her. But, my doctor added that the chances of conceiving on Clomid are quite good -- and I've read reports that say anywhere from 50 to 75 percent of women with PCOS achieve pregnancy on Clomid -- but maybe she just wanted me to stop crying.
As with any other drug, though, Clomid does not come without costs. Besides the monetary costs, which wouldn't be that substantial (yet), there is a 5 percent increased chance of having multiples conceived while on Clomid. Additionally, because women on Clomid often do what my doctor referred to as "super ovulate" it can actually increase your risk of developing uterine cancer. It also sounds like -- through some anecdotal accounts I've read on message boards -- that many women who are on Clomid also face extreme mood swings and hot flashes, though obviously everyone reacts differently.
At this moment, I am just trying to process this information. I don't know if I want to take Clomid quite yet. My doctor told me that I can still get pregnant without Clomid, but with PCOS the chances of conceiving on your own are really, really low. For people with normal fertility, the chances of conceiving on any given cycle are only 20 percent, so when you ovulate as irregularly as I do, that just means I get about as third as many chances to conceive as the average woman. I also want to research insulin resistance, because that is a side effect of PCOS and some doctors prescribe drugs to decrease insulin resistance which can also assist in restoring ovulation.
Obviously, I need to sleep on this information (for probably more than just a night) and figure out what's right for me. My husband is totally supportive of whatever I decide; he's truly a great man, and I'm so fortunate to have him.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
OPKs: Easier than charting
If and when you read Taking Control of Your Fertility, you'll discover that the author, Toni Weschler, is semi-opposed to ovulation predictor kits (OPKs). If and when you talk to my doctor, you'll discover she's highly opposed to OPKs. But I'm here to tell you that OPKs for me have been a perfectly fine supplement to charting, and I'd even go so far as to say these can be just as helpful as charting.
What is an OPK?
The term ovulation predictor kit is a bit of a misnomer. When I first learned about them, I imagined a small microscope with lots of slides where I could perform my own little biology experiments. While it is true that I often feel like TTC has been a series of science experiments, OPKs are nothing more than little strips you dip in your urine that detect the surge of lutenizing hormone (LH). Your body always has LH present, but the surge in LH typically occurs between 12 and 48 hours before you ovulate.
Why are Weschler and my doctor opposed to OPKs?
In a word, cost. They claim they are too expensive for what they do and that a woman with irregular cycles has lots of difficulty using them correctly. (This assumes, though, you buy them at drug stores.) Additionally, some women test at the wrong time and miss the surge. Also, sometimes the OPK will detect an LH surge and ovulation does not actually occur.
Why do I like OPKs?
I like them because I found the cheap ones on Amazon that work as well as any more expensive ones you could buy in a drug store. When I got my period most recently and I was running low on OPKs, the first thing I did after my temperature dropped was order 120 OPKs and 40 accompanying home pregnancy tests (HPTs). (I did this, of course, because they come in packs of 40 OPKs and 10 HPTs for a little more than $9 total, and I was going for free shipping on orders of $25 or more.) Now, I have the most irregular periods on the planet, but I do not consider these OPKs to be a very significant investment. Additionally, even though I have incredibly irregular periods, I can still use as many of these as I want at a relatively insignificant cost, compared to the 7-20 strips that come in your standard store-bought OPK and cost approximately $24.
So far, these cheap OPKs have perfectly caught each of my LH surges. At first I was using the OPKs only in the morning, and then I read that they do a better job detecting the LH surge when used in the afternoon -- for some reason, 3-5 p.m. appears to be the average woman's best time for detecting the LH surge. A positive test has a test line that is as dark or darker than the control line. This the one downside to this particular OPK: you will almost always have two lines present, but the test line will only achieve proper darkness when you're about to ovulate.
The first time I used these strips I got a positive reading one time, even though I was testing daily. Most recently, after I learned to test in both the morning and afternoon around the time I think I might be ovulating, I got three positive tests and one almost-positive test (one afternoon positive, still positive the next morning, still positive the following afternoon, and close-to-positive the following morning). So, with these tests I recommend testing in morning and afternoon around the time you think you could be ovulating. Of course, for me, that means testing for about 20 days, but with these super-cheap tests I really don't mind.
My verdict? If you decide that charting is too complicated or too crazy for you, you can get the same, or very similar, results by using these cheap OPKs.
What is an OPK?
The term ovulation predictor kit is a bit of a misnomer. When I first learned about them, I imagined a small microscope with lots of slides where I could perform my own little biology experiments. While it is true that I often feel like TTC has been a series of science experiments, OPKs are nothing more than little strips you dip in your urine that detect the surge of lutenizing hormone (LH). Your body always has LH present, but the surge in LH typically occurs between 12 and 48 hours before you ovulate.
Why are Weschler and my doctor opposed to OPKs?
In a word, cost. They claim they are too expensive for what they do and that a woman with irregular cycles has lots of difficulty using them correctly. (This assumes, though, you buy them at drug stores.) Additionally, some women test at the wrong time and miss the surge. Also, sometimes the OPK will detect an LH surge and ovulation does not actually occur.
Why do I like OPKs?
I like them because I found the cheap ones on Amazon that work as well as any more expensive ones you could buy in a drug store. When I got my period most recently and I was running low on OPKs, the first thing I did after my temperature dropped was order 120 OPKs and 40 accompanying home pregnancy tests (HPTs). (I did this, of course, because they come in packs of 40 OPKs and 10 HPTs for a little more than $9 total, and I was going for free shipping on orders of $25 or more.) Now, I have the most irregular periods on the planet, but I do not consider these OPKs to be a very significant investment. Additionally, even though I have incredibly irregular periods, I can still use as many of these as I want at a relatively insignificant cost, compared to the 7-20 strips that come in your standard store-bought OPK and cost approximately $24.
So far, these cheap OPKs have perfectly caught each of my LH surges. At first I was using the OPKs only in the morning, and then I read that they do a better job detecting the LH surge when used in the afternoon -- for some reason, 3-5 p.m. appears to be the average woman's best time for detecting the LH surge. A positive test has a test line that is as dark or darker than the control line. This the one downside to this particular OPK: you will almost always have two lines present, but the test line will only achieve proper darkness when you're about to ovulate.
The first time I used these strips I got a positive reading one time, even though I was testing daily. Most recently, after I learned to test in both the morning and afternoon around the time I think I might be ovulating, I got three positive tests and one almost-positive test (one afternoon positive, still positive the next morning, still positive the following afternoon, and close-to-positive the following morning). So, with these tests I recommend testing in morning and afternoon around the time you think you could be ovulating. Of course, for me, that means testing for about 20 days, but with these super-cheap tests I really don't mind.
My verdict? If you decide that charting is too complicated or too crazy for you, you can get the same, or very similar, results by using these cheap OPKs.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Really hungry: blood test edition
Yesterday I told you about the planning I went through leading up to going off birth control, and now that I am past the six-month mark of TTC, clearly things have not been moving like clockwork. Today I am going in for a blood test (finally) to figure out what's going on, and I'm really hungry because I normally eat a big breakfast every morning when I first wake up. All in all, though, I'm thrilled to be getting blood drawn today.
Here's what got me to this point.
I went on birth control in March 2004, and up until that point in my life I had pretty normal periods. No, I wouldn't get my period every 28 days, but so few women actually do. I fell in the "normal" range because I would get my period every 30-35 days. In college I was definitely influenced by the hormones of all the girls I'd live with -- I was clearly not the alpha female -- so my body and my cycles would naturally adjust to the bodies of the women around me.
Throughout my life I have never had any gynecological problems -- no STDs, no pregnancy scares, no abnormal test results. I also have a clean bill of health -- I have no known diseases, regular blood pressure, ideal BMI. I've never been hospitalized. I have been on antibiotics twice in my life, once for a wisdom tooth that got infected and once when I got a big splinter. Besides that, the only medication I've ever taken is birth control. I've never smoked or done drugs, I drink both alcohol and caffeine moderately, I eat a well-balanced diet with lots of delicious and healthy home cooking, and I get moderate exercise. I even go to the dentist every 6 months.
So, after I went off birth control in July 2010 and got the bleeding (a.k.a. "fake period") that follows finishing a pack, I was a little surprised that it took me 45 more days until my next cycle began.
Then cycle 2 was never ending.
On day 60 of cycle 2 in late October I called the nurse at my doctor's office. I told her I'd been concerned that I was neither getting my period nor did I appear to be ovulating.
The first nurse I talked to asked, "Oh my, now are you sure you're not pregnant?"
"Well, five negative pregnancy tests and no symptoms would suggest that I'm not pregnant," I said.
She still said she thought I should come in immediately. "Can you be here in a couple hours?"
Well, no, my job is totally inflexible, so that wasn't happening, but I told her I could come in tomorrow late afternoon. She said she would have another nurse set up the appointment and call me back.
Twenty minutes later when nurse number 2 called, she asked, "Are you running many miles a week? [No.] Are you drinking daily? [No.] Did you have abnormal periods before you went on birth control? [No.] Are you sure you're not pregnant? [Yes.]." And then, the real kicker, "Honey, you're young and you have nothing to worry about. It can take up for a year after going off birth control for your cycles to regulate themselves."
I expressed dismay, seeing as this was not the same information my doctor shared with me in August 2009 when I did my pre-conception visit. Pretty obnoxious. I knew, based on some research, that it could take a few months for my cycles to be more normal, but even then I felt I was way outside the normal range. The nurse did tell me, though, that I was overdue for my annual appointment, so she scheduled me for one in early December. (Funny side note: when the OB thinks you might be pregnant, they can get you into the office that day, but for any other concern you have to wait six weeks.)
Fortunately, my ovulation predictor kit indicated that I finally ovulated on day 69 of cycle 2, and I got my period on CD 76 (which also indicates a short luteal phase, but I'll take it for now....more on that later.)
Cycle 3 lasted 65 days and I ovulated on day 54 (meaning I achieved an 11-day luteal phase...go me!). Cycle 3 is also when I got serious about fertility charting. (That's the subject of a whole different post.)
In the midst of cycle 3 I had that annual exam in early December. My doctor assured me that I needed to time sex appropriately for pregnancy achievement. Well, duh. Trust me, we are. Then she instructed me to email her as soon as I got my next period and she would be able to somehow miraculously pinpoint the 10-day window during which I am most fertile and therefore, according to her, we should be having sex every other day (we were already having sex every other day, and every day during my most fertile phase around ovulation). Somehow someone with a 45-day cycle, followed by a 76-day cycle, followed by a 65-day cycle could be told what days to have sex and it would magically work? I internally rolled my eyes and promised to email. In the meantime, she told me it wouldn't hurt to check my thyroid function just in case, so she ordered up the blood work and I headed down to the lab. Good news: normal thyroid function.
So, a week and a half ago when cycle 3 ended I emailed my doctor my cycle history since going off BC pills. She wrote back and told me, somewhat to my disbelief, that we need to get to the bottom of what is causing me to have such irregular cycles. FINALLY. So, she ordered up some blood work and told me to go to the lab as soon as I could.
That brings me to today, waiting here for the lab to open so I can get my blood drawn and then eat. I feel like today is a bit of a milestone in the TTC process because my doctor has actually acknowledged that something may be wrong. Yes, I've been a little annoyed that she hasn't taken me too seriously up to this point, and I'm still considering switching OBs, but perhaps showing her that I have been charting my information has convinced her that I mean business. Maybe, in small way, I've managed to take back a little control.
Here's what got me to this point.
I went on birth control in March 2004, and up until that point in my life I had pretty normal periods. No, I wouldn't get my period every 28 days, but so few women actually do. I fell in the "normal" range because I would get my period every 30-35 days. In college I was definitely influenced by the hormones of all the girls I'd live with -- I was clearly not the alpha female -- so my body and my cycles would naturally adjust to the bodies of the women around me.
Throughout my life I have never had any gynecological problems -- no STDs, no pregnancy scares, no abnormal test results. I also have a clean bill of health -- I have no known diseases, regular blood pressure, ideal BMI. I've never been hospitalized. I have been on antibiotics twice in my life, once for a wisdom tooth that got infected and once when I got a big splinter. Besides that, the only medication I've ever taken is birth control. I've never smoked or done drugs, I drink both alcohol and caffeine moderately, I eat a well-balanced diet with lots of delicious and healthy home cooking, and I get moderate exercise. I even go to the dentist every 6 months.
So, after I went off birth control in July 2010 and got the bleeding (a.k.a. "fake period") that follows finishing a pack, I was a little surprised that it took me 45 more days until my next cycle began.
Then cycle 2 was never ending.
On day 60 of cycle 2 in late October I called the nurse at my doctor's office. I told her I'd been concerned that I was neither getting my period nor did I appear to be ovulating.
The first nurse I talked to asked, "Oh my, now are you sure you're not pregnant?"
"Well, five negative pregnancy tests and no symptoms would suggest that I'm not pregnant," I said.
She still said she thought I should come in immediately. "Can you be here in a couple hours?"
Well, no, my job is totally inflexible, so that wasn't happening, but I told her I could come in tomorrow late afternoon. She said she would have another nurse set up the appointment and call me back.
Twenty minutes later when nurse number 2 called, she asked, "Are you running many miles a week? [No.] Are you drinking daily? [No.] Did you have abnormal periods before you went on birth control? [No.] Are you sure you're not pregnant? [Yes.]." And then, the real kicker, "Honey, you're young and you have nothing to worry about. It can take up for a year after going off birth control for your cycles to regulate themselves."
I expressed dismay, seeing as this was not the same information my doctor shared with me in August 2009 when I did my pre-conception visit. Pretty obnoxious. I knew, based on some research, that it could take a few months for my cycles to be more normal, but even then I felt I was way outside the normal range. The nurse did tell me, though, that I was overdue for my annual appointment, so she scheduled me for one in early December. (Funny side note: when the OB thinks you might be pregnant, they can get you into the office that day, but for any other concern you have to wait six weeks.)
Fortunately, my ovulation predictor kit indicated that I finally ovulated on day 69 of cycle 2, and I got my period on CD 76 (which also indicates a short luteal phase, but I'll take it for now....more on that later.)
Cycle 3 lasted 65 days and I ovulated on day 54 (meaning I achieved an 11-day luteal phase...go me!). Cycle 3 is also when I got serious about fertility charting. (That's the subject of a whole different post.)
In the midst of cycle 3 I had that annual exam in early December. My doctor assured me that I needed to time sex appropriately for pregnancy achievement. Well, duh. Trust me, we are. Then she instructed me to email her as soon as I got my next period and she would be able to somehow miraculously pinpoint the 10-day window during which I am most fertile and therefore, according to her, we should be having sex every other day (we were already having sex every other day, and every day during my most fertile phase around ovulation). Somehow someone with a 45-day cycle, followed by a 76-day cycle, followed by a 65-day cycle could be told what days to have sex and it would magically work? I internally rolled my eyes and promised to email. In the meantime, she told me it wouldn't hurt to check my thyroid function just in case, so she ordered up the blood work and I headed down to the lab. Good news: normal thyroid function.
So, a week and a half ago when cycle 3 ended I emailed my doctor my cycle history since going off BC pills. She wrote back and told me, somewhat to my disbelief, that we need to get to the bottom of what is causing me to have such irregular cycles. FINALLY. So, she ordered up some blood work and told me to go to the lab as soon as I could.
That brings me to today, waiting here for the lab to open so I can get my blood drawn and then eat. I feel like today is a bit of a milestone in the TTC process because my doctor has actually acknowledged that something may be wrong. Yes, I've been a little annoyed that she hasn't taken me too seriously up to this point, and I'm still considering switching OBs, but perhaps showing her that I have been charting my information has convinced her that I mean business. Maybe, in small way, I've managed to take back a little control.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Introducing me, planning to TTC
OK, now for the real back story:
I'm a hyper organized person, so I thought I could approach TTC with the same gusto I approach most projects in my life: make a careful plan, reap the fruits of my hard work. Everything in life has been ths way for me. I worked hard as a child, got excellent grades that got me into excellent schools, where I got more excellent grades and internships that resulted in an excellent job. I work hard and excel in my job, make decent money, found an outstanding man who became my husband, and together we bought a beautiful house and have raised two adorable dogs. I have so much going for me in my life, and I am a great example of how those who work hard can achieve success.
Sound familiar? Chances are, if you're reading my blog, you are also probably a person who has controlled much of your destiny up until this point.
So, in August 2009, 11 months before my husband and I were planning to start TTC, I used my annual OB appointment as an opportunity to drill my doctor on everything I should know/should be doing before we started to TTC. I'd already read What to Expect When You're Excepting back in 2008, so I came armed with questions. She told me that because I'm young (I'm now 29 with a 30-year-old husband) with a history of perfect health, I would get pregnant immediately after I went off birth control. This is, of course, in retrospect now in the Hall of Fame of Worst Advice I've Ever Received. She added that I should finish my last pack of birth control pills, and then I could start TTC immediately -- she did not recommend any wait time as some other doctors recommend because, in her words, I would be most fertile right after ditching the BC pills.
Oh, and she said I should cut down on alcohol, caffeine and mercury-laden fish, which is simply her generic advice she gives all women. I do not consume a ton of any of those items, so I didn't need to make much in the way of a lifestyle adjustment. And, in keeping with her generic advice, she also told me to start taking a prenatal vitamin three months before I started TTC.
During that August 2009 appointment she did decide to have me run down to the lab to have my blood drawn to test for Cystic fibrosis, and the test revealed I'm not a carrier, so the odds of my husband and I having a child with this disorder are exceptionally low.
After the appointment I planned our big summer trip around my periods and the date that I wanted to ditch my birth control. My husband and I picked the date we wanted to start TTC around the date that I wanted to give birth, figuring (so shockingly naively) that I would get pregnant on the first try because that's what the doctor told me would happen.
I marked my calendar religiously: start taking prenatal vitamin on April 1; finish BC pills on July 15. Then, of course, have a baby born in March or April. I started imagining the conversations I'd have with coworkers when I'd announce in October that I'd be giving birth in March, the time of year that my job becomes most insane. Frankly, I couldn't wait to abandon my work and take care of a newborn.
As you can imagine, October (and November and December and now January) came and went with lots of big fat negatives on the pregnancy tests, and lots of other annoying surprises about my body to boot.
I've named this site Resigning Control because that's been the biggest lesson I've had to learn in the six months so far my husband and I have been TTC. Up until this point, I have controlled everything in my life and gotten everything I've ever wanted. Clearly the process of having a baby is something I cannot control, no matter how much I would like to.
I'm a hyper organized person, so I thought I could approach TTC with the same gusto I approach most projects in my life: make a careful plan, reap the fruits of my hard work. Everything in life has been ths way for me. I worked hard as a child, got excellent grades that got me into excellent schools, where I got more excellent grades and internships that resulted in an excellent job. I work hard and excel in my job, make decent money, found an outstanding man who became my husband, and together we bought a beautiful house and have raised two adorable dogs. I have so much going for me in my life, and I am a great example of how those who work hard can achieve success.
Sound familiar? Chances are, if you're reading my blog, you are also probably a person who has controlled much of your destiny up until this point.
So, in August 2009, 11 months before my husband and I were planning to start TTC, I used my annual OB appointment as an opportunity to drill my doctor on everything I should know/should be doing before we started to TTC. I'd already read What to Expect When You're Excepting back in 2008, so I came armed with questions. She told me that because I'm young (I'm now 29 with a 30-year-old husband) with a history of perfect health, I would get pregnant immediately after I went off birth control. This is, of course, in retrospect now in the Hall of Fame of Worst Advice I've Ever Received. She added that I should finish my last pack of birth control pills, and then I could start TTC immediately -- she did not recommend any wait time as some other doctors recommend because, in her words, I would be most fertile right after ditching the BC pills.
Oh, and she said I should cut down on alcohol, caffeine and mercury-laden fish, which is simply her generic advice she gives all women. I do not consume a ton of any of those items, so I didn't need to make much in the way of a lifestyle adjustment. And, in keeping with her generic advice, she also told me to start taking a prenatal vitamin three months before I started TTC.
During that August 2009 appointment she did decide to have me run down to the lab to have my blood drawn to test for Cystic fibrosis, and the test revealed I'm not a carrier, so the odds of my husband and I having a child with this disorder are exceptionally low.
After the appointment I planned our big summer trip around my periods and the date that I wanted to ditch my birth control. My husband and I picked the date we wanted to start TTC around the date that I wanted to give birth, figuring (so shockingly naively) that I would get pregnant on the first try because that's what the doctor told me would happen.
I marked my calendar religiously: start taking prenatal vitamin on April 1; finish BC pills on July 15. Then, of course, have a baby born in March or April. I started imagining the conversations I'd have with coworkers when I'd announce in October that I'd be giving birth in March, the time of year that my job becomes most insane. Frankly, I couldn't wait to abandon my work and take care of a newborn.
As you can imagine, October (and November and December and now January) came and went with lots of big fat negatives on the pregnancy tests, and lots of other annoying surprises about my body to boot.
I've named this site Resigning Control because that's been the biggest lesson I've had to learn in the six months so far my husband and I have been TTC. Up until this point, I have controlled everything in my life and gotten everything I've ever wanted. Clearly the process of having a baby is something I cannot control, no matter how much I would like to.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)